Why Drink from a Plastic Penis?
The penis drinking straw: Tacky throwback or irreplaceable bachelorette party staple? Both, of course! Sure the penis straw is embarrassing and trashy, but making it a rite of passage at your bachelorette party shows you recognize the importance of tradition. So go ahead and get married in the park if you want, but don’t mess with important stuff like penis-related novelties, including the king himself, the penis drinking straw.
Just how did the penis straw become a tradition? That’s an interesting story that you can read here:
The First Penis Straw: A True Internet Legend. Once you know the history, you can begin choosing just the right penis straws for your bachelorette party. Like the penis itself, this is not a generic one-size fits all item. Spend a few minutes with Penis Drinking Straws.com and you will make the right choices.
Much of the penis straw fun is watching others watching you slurping away. Keep that visual aspect in mind as you evaluate your choices. Depending on strength of eyesight, the range of visual effect probably stops at about 10 feet. Unless you choose a giant penis straw, many people just won’t know that you are drinking from a penis straw unless they are standing right next to you. Don’t expect people across the room to collapse from shock and amusement.
Penis Drinking Straws.com has divided your choices into logical categories, allowing you to compare bananas to bananas before you go shopping at Bachelorette.com. We’ll give you all the info and photos you need.
Here are your main categories:
Flesh Color Penis Straws: Caucasian and African-American
Multi-Color Penis Straws
Glow in the Dark Penis Straws
Giant Penis Straws
Penis Drink Bottles with Straws
Each penis straw is evaluated by four "strawtitude" criteria, and rated from 1 to 5 titters. A higher rating in one category might mean a lower rating in another, so consider the features you really want.
How Strawtitude is Rated
Cockiness: How much does the straw resemble an actual male member?
Cuteness: Awww…isn’t it just the most precious thing? Isn’t it? Yes, it is.
Overall Presentation: The total effect. A straw that says, yes I’m a dick and proud of it.
Drinking Usefulness: It is a straw, after all. It should work.
Here’s a bit of advice you’ll thank us for later. Buy some regular non-penis straws too. They are often better for actual drinking than the novelty ones: the diameter is right, they use thinner plastic, they’re more comfortable to drink from, and they allow people to excuse themselves from the joke without fuss.
Where to Buy Penis Drinking Straws
Penis drinking straws and many other bachelorette party supplies are available quickly and discreetly from Bachelorette.com. Bachelorette.com keeps your information completely confidential, and works hard to assure each customer’s complete satisfaction. Buy penis drinking straws and other fine products from Bachelorette.com.
Want a complete review of bachelorette party candies, try these three sites: GummyPenis.com, CandyPenis.com, and PeckerLollipops.com.
Party planning advice at BachelorettePartyFashion.com, CuteBacheloretteParty.com, GamesForBacheloretteParties.com or HowToBeAMaidofHonor.com.
Music for the big night can be found at BachelorettePartyPlaylist.com or BachelorettePartyMusic.com.